What is Compatibility? If we look at a dictionary definition it is “the capability of existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another or others. A state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict”.
Astrologically speaking, it means much the same thing – marriage compatibility meaning how well the two entities can get on in combination with one another, in business partnerships, how well can the two partners perform and get along in an agreeable way so to develop the business. Compatibility is important so to get the best out of a union- a marriage – a partnership, so that it flourishes, develops, expands, adds value, creates ‘profit’ to both, is a cause of harmony and happiness.
If there is a lack of compatibility then it takes away value from the individuals in the union, it causes retreat, backward regression, creates ‘loss’ – be that loss of opportunities / money in a business sense or a loss of emotional energy, hopes and vision for future, in a marriage or romantic partnership.
Mostly, compatibility is known through trial and error of getting to know people, judging how well your interaction is with certain individuals – are they a cause for happiness for you or do they drain your energies. Are they adding value to your life or are they causing a strain – even if the latter is the case , compatibility is how do you both deal with these situations – are you able to resolve issues harmoniously in these situations or does it become a cause for a massive blow up.
In any case, gaging compatibility with another person, by getting to know them, takes time. How long? That depends on how much interaction you have with them on a daily basis, AND what situations you both have to face together, In this article I will focus on marriage compatibility.
Logic suggests that a person that is from a similar family background, religion, culture, would be more compatible than someone who is totally different. But is that always true?? I have found people having rahu, saturn especially in 1st, 5th , 7th and so on, generally feel more comfortable with people that are ‘different’ to them, and hence you will mostly see intercaste marriages/relationships/attractions at some stage in their life, Many times especially in the ‘traditional’ asian culture, parents spend their lives worrying about who their children will ultimately end up with and will that choice be accepted by themselves and society. Even from the child’s point of view, they do have cause for stress if they find that they are finding themselves more ‘compatible’ with people that are outside their normal society and family expectations. Please note this is a general statement and that times are changing, however I do believe that whilst some families are more open minded and do not consider these things as issues per se, there are however families that are of the traditional mindset.
Aside from the cultural side, there are a number of things that affect the compatibility of two individuals looking at marriage. There is :
Physical compatibility – attraction towards each other
Mental & Emotional compatibility – do both parties have similar ideas, and ways of dealing with things or are they totally opposite, do they share the same vision of life, how they want to develop with each other through life
Ways of doing things – is one person more tidy than the other – can the individual cope if the other person is a total mess maker and doesn’t understand partners need for tidiness, do they like the same activities
Ability to communicate – are the two people happy to be open with each other – do they know how to communicate, listen, act accordingly? Does one person like talking in depth and exploring things and the other person cant handle it or prefers not to?
And I’m sure there are many more factors but I will keep this article to these factors for now.
Many times, people think everything is great and that they have a good compatibility – until a hard situation is thrown at them and then they have to see how they both will cope with it. If there is really a good compatibility on all of the above levels, the partners will agree with each other on what they feel is the best solution to resolve the issues, as they will have similar ideas, even if they do not have similar ideas, one partner may change his/her thinking to suit the needs of the other partner and compromise – as they have a good emotional compatibility and want to ensure that their partner is happy. Also they will be able to communicate rationally and calmly and listen to each other.
However if there is a lack of compatibility in above factors, then there will be an inability to communicate rationally, and there will be no compromising, and there will be no solutions as both parties think opposite.
Astrological Marriage Compatibility analysis looks at the natures of the two people and how well they will fit in together. It takes skill and experience to do this accurately. The classical way that is mostly known is the traditional ‘Gun Milan‘, whereby the girl and boys matching is carried out through looking at the nakshatra that their respective moons are placed in. There are a total of 36 points via this method, and anything of 18 or above is deemed satisfactory.
Is Gun Milan the be all and end all…
Whilst this is a good method, it is not the only thing which should be considered. I have seen many times where the Guns are matching highly but yet marriage does not work out, and then there are cases where guns are really low but yet there is a good understanding. I do not discard Gun milan as it is useful and there is something in it, in that it does accurately pick up the emotional compatibility temperaments of both people, as it is based on the moon sign after all. However it does not tell us about the external natures of the people, and how they cope with situations and how that compares with the other individual. Therefore it is also necessary to look at rising sign /lagna of both people and how harmonious they are. Generally 1/7 relationships, 5/9, are fruitful. 6/8, 2/12 and 3/11 are more of a struggle in general terms.
With reference to my above 4 factors, I relate them to planets as in :
Physical compatibility – Venus – are the venus’s of the two people compatible by sign and placement? If yes they will share the same idea of love and have the same expectations and hence they have better chance of satisfying each other.
Emotional compatibility – Moon – healthy placements with respect to each others charts , by sign and placement, do they care about how each other feels and are they always trying to look after their partner and take care of them emotionally
Ways of doing things – Sun – are they both adventurous, do they share the same ideals
Communication – Mercury – do they both like talking intellectually or is one completely disconnected to what the other person enjoys discussing or talking about or even watching on tv??
As you can see there are many things that you should look at in a chart for compatibility – it doesn’t mean everything has to match perfectly, but just enough that both parties natures don’t disrupt each other.
Up until a few years ago, I used to think that maybe two people with the same ascendant /rising signs would be a great match- but more recently, through experience I have changed my thinking. I think people with the same ascendents end up having the same good points but also the same bad traits, and therefore are probably unwilling to change themselves as they are both to similar. Whether that comes about through ego, arrogance or stubbornness, depends on whatever the situation is. Also people with the same signs would tend to go through the same transits – if positive then both would have very good times, but if there is a really negative transit for that sign, then both would go through a lot of stress and doesn’t seem to be that saving grace anywhere.
Dashas (timing) in the charts..
This brings me onto another point that might be useful to be considered in matching – the dashas- sometimes gun points, and nature compatibility can be great but if both people are going through a very long dash such as rahu or saturn or jupiter , venus – and these planets are malefic and negative for them in the chart, then generally the person is weakened and their natural personality may change during those times and they may lose patience and become something that they are not. If two people both with negative dashas join at the wrong time then again that can be a cause for concern. This is something that may be less of a concern anyhow, but its another factor nonetheless, however it is impossible to get a perfect matching so a compromise has to be carried out somewhere.
Manglik Dosh is another factor in matching
Manglik people are generally very passionate and energetic. They say a manglik should marry a manglik – but this isn’t always necessary. I think in my opinion the reason why nature compatibility wise, why a manglik should be paired with a manglik, is to do with energy levels. A manglik will have a high libido in most cases and someone needs to satisfy that otherwise it will cause frustration to the person, manglik will have a lot of passion and energy and they need someone that can share that with them. If they end up with someone who is not passionate or does not have high energy levels then this naturally will cause issues at some point. However coming back to my point that manglik does not have to marry manglik- well if a person for example has a strong venus or a strong sun, they also will have high vitality and energy and this may match the energy of the manglik person also, so factors like these should be considered.
Sometimes despite having a matching done, things do not work out, and there are things that can influence that , either the details used for compatibility date /time/ place etc were inaccurate, or timing of marriage was in a forbidden period, or bad transits overtook the positive time, or black magic /evil eye, or indeed karmic debts working there way. However matching does try to highlight the negatives in a snapshot. A good matching is always dependent on the skills and experience of the astrologer, and indeed how much destiny wants to unfold to you at the time.